“Is There Something Wrong with Me?” What is Sexual Dysfunction?
“Is There Something Wrong with Me?” What is Sexual Dysfunction
Part 2 of 3 in a Sexual Health series
There are often times we have a problem and we wonder “Is something wrong with me?” Well, that depends on what you consider “wrong” to be.
I am not going to get into all the mumbo-jumbo. But there is this thing called the DSM-5. It is like THEE BOOK for anyone doing any kind of psychological work. According to the DSM there are several different criteria you have to meet to be clinically diagnosed. You may have several of those and do not have a clinical diagnosis but do have a problem because it is something that bothers you or causes difficulty in your relationship.
STDs/STIs are one thing we aren’t getting into here. It definitely can cause you sexual and relationship issues.
I would say the most common sexual difficulty for couples is low sexual desire. Mismatched desire is verrrry common. Guess what. It is not just women. I know society often makes it seem like women are the only ones that “don’t want it” but it also affects men. So guys, try not to feel like you are the only one if you feel that way.
More than half of the people that come to sex therapy come for that reason. What is important to remember is do not make it a problem because you are trying to do what you THINK others are doing. Your friends may talk a lot of talk but you do not know exactly what happens in their bedroom. If you and your partner are happy with the sexual relationship then do not be too concerned about it. (Please, if you feel there may be a medical issue see your doctor.)
Low sexual desire may be due to various reasons. Often counseling can improve these although at times medication is needed. It is always a good idea to speak with your physician to rule out any medical problems. Some things that may be contributing to low libido are:
IN MEN:
Low testosterone
Medical problems (hypothyroidism, cardiovascular disease, diabetes, etc)
Medication (antidepressants, heart meds, mood stabilizers)
Alcohol and drugs
Mental health (depression, relationship issues, feelings about age, fetishes that cannot be fulfilled by a partner, being distracted, stress, etc)
IN WOMEN
Medical problems (diabetes, hormone changes, hypertension, gynecological surgery, etc.)
Medication (antidepressants, heart meds, mood stabilizers)
Alcohol and drugs
Mental health (depression, anxiety, relationship issues, feelings about age, stress, history of abuse, body image, etc)
Men may have difficulty with premature/delayed ejacuation or erectile dysfunction. Women may have pain during intercourse and problem with orgasm.
How does sex therapy work?
There are soooo many things that affect us sexually. Our minds can really get in the way in the bedroom. What is more of a romance buster than your mother in law dropping by unexpectedly? YOUR MIND!
Stress, planning, worrying about the kids and work, you name it!
Body image (He what?! He wants the lights on??? But then he can SEE!)
Sexual comfort (What did mom and dad/school/society/TV teach you about sex?)
So in therapy, whether individually or as a couple, we will look at:
INSIDE THE BEDROOM:
Are you comfortable with sex?
Is there a history of abuse?
Are you comfortable with your sexuality and expressing it?
Are you sexually educated?
OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM
Your relationship
Stress level (work, relationship, family, how you deal with stress, how it affects you)
Cognitive distortions (Is your thinking appropriate/accurate)
Communication with your partner
YOU MAY BE TAUGHT
Information about your body
Coping skills
Communication techniques (How to listen, understand and even fight)
How to accept what works for you instead of what you have always thought was expected
If I could get one message out to others it would be that
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
I cannot even tell you how many people have come to me and said “Am I the only one that feels this way?” You wouldn't believe how many people have the same issues with a different story. That in itself can be reassuring just to know we are not alone. Others feel the same.
So do not be afraid to talk about your troubles with a trusted person. Some temporary embarrassment is worth it if you can feel better about yourself and enjoy your life more.
Information provided here is not a substitute for mental health therapy. Using this site does not constitute a professional relationship.
