“Not Now I Have a Headache” When You Have Low Sexual Desire
Part 1 of 3 in a Sexual Health series
“He wants sex again? I am just not up to it.”
“I’m not asking that much from her. Now what is her excuse?”
Does it seem like the two of you just cannot get on the same page when it comes to sex? Often one wants it more than the other. Maybe the woman has the lower libido but by no means is that always the case. I have run into many men that just do not have the same sex drive as their partner. (Sorry, this particular article is based more on the man/woman relationship. Same sex couples will come at a later date.)
There are so many differences between men and women (remember the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus?) But you would be surprised to know all of the similarities. Some beliefs are based more on society’s expectations and not what is “real.” One is how often you should be having sex. The answer? As much as you both want. If you are both satisfied with the amount you are having, whether once a day or once a year, then that is ok. Do not try to keep up with what others tell you is “normal.”
Many men have reported their motivation for sex is to give their partner pleasure. Men can read the signals that women put out. So ladies if you are faking interest, men are picking up on it. They then may rush through sex to get it over with, knowing you are not into it. (Take note, ladies, that the looks of his partner’s body is NOT often the primary motivation. So you might have to let go some of those negative thoughts about your body image.)
Women will often base their own desirability on what they think men find desirable, such as physical appearance. What men have reported they find more desirable is confidence and for their partner to be “present.” (Keeping your mind in it is a whole other story to hit at a different time.)
Did you know:
Your partner’s lack of desire may not have anything to do with you? Some possibilities are stress, their own body image, distractions, what their parents told them about sex, connection…..
Things that may be covered in sex therapy:
Communication (about sex and other things)
Power struggles
How you were raised about sex
Problem solving
Body education
Keep in mind, the couple’s functioning involves much more than the bedroom. Improving the relationship outside the bedroom can improve the intimacy inside of the bedroom.
So if one or both of you are having some difficulties you may need to take a closer look at the relationship. There may be some issues (not necessarily big ones) there. Also look into your past. What you have been told and shown all your life definitely has an effect on your current feelings and beliefs. If you need help, let me know.
Thank you http://giancescon.com for the photo
