Boy, Do I Know Men! Don’t I?Do We Understand Our Male Partners’ Sexual Motives
Boy, Do I Know Men!!! Don't I????
Do We Understand Our Male Partners’ Sexual Motives?
I say it often… I am so lucky to be able to hear the thoughts and feelings of others. I truly feel it is a gift I am given to have the opportunity to really get to see what makes people tick. To see behind the walls that are put up to please society. To see stereotypes break down and be proven otherwise.
So through my trainings, reading clinical books, and most importantly, behind a closed office door, I learn about people. Being a woman, one of the things I have found so interesting learning more about is MEN.
Here are a few myths:
HE IS TURNED OFF BY MY WEIGHT.
Ladies, we see every last bump and bulge. How can he possibly be turned on by THIS (as we look in the mirror critiquing every little flaw.) As you are frowning into that mirror, your partner is saying, “Huh?! I just don’t see it.” or “I really don’t care.”
But do we believe him?
Many men have told me, “Karen I don’t get it. She is always complaining about her body but I really do not care. She is beautiful to me.”
What can counteract what ladies see as a major flaw? CONFIDENCE! Men love confidence. They often report that confidence in their partner is a huge turn on.
ALL HE CARES ABOUT IS HIS OWN PLEASURE!
Of course, we all want to feel good. But many men state they get pleasure from giving pleasure. They feed off of her pleasure.
Have you had times when you think “I am not in the mood but he wants it so…” Well, there is a good chance you are not doing him any favors. Men can often read a woman and know when she is not into it. That is a turn off. If he senses his partner is not feeling pleased he may rush to get it over with. One problem with this is it feeds into a cycle with his partner feeling as if sex is often rushed and he only wants to please himself. But it is in large part because he knows he is not pleasing YOU!
MEN ARE MIND READERS
I often hear from women, “Well, he should know me well enough by now to know what I do and do not like.” The first question to ask yourself ladies is DO I KNOW WHAT I LIKE? If you truly do, are you comfortable with telling him? Explicitly. Communication is very difficult for humans. Often we are thinking something but when we communicate it is not as clear as we think. So being open and explaining and showing what you like is going to be helpful. Do not expect him to read your mind. Also watch the vibes you may be giving off to him. He may interpret something from them that you do not mean.
I just wanted this opportunity to explain to women that we might not know men as well as we think we do. Honesty, guys you might not either. Often men will have the “locker room talk” and say what they think they are supposed to. That does a disservice for other men who think they have to put on an act and be something different than they truly are. Or at least portray it that way.
Listen to your man. Be open to accepting someone that does not fit the stereotype.
Karen Michan LPCC-S
#men #libido #sexdrive #mythsaboutmen #couplescounseling
